11 THINGS You MUST Not Do In a Club

This is just a very very random post that I thought of, if ever you find this post offensive then you're probably doing these no nos. No, this post does not make me the person who tells the universe what's cool and what's not, these are just some things that I've observed during my night outs. So here are some of the things that made my list of "WHAT NOT TO DO IN A CLUB"











1. Don't force yourself to speak in a language you're not comfortable with.

I think number one's pretty obvious. Come on, you don't have to speak in English just for you to approach a girl, sometimes the ladies might even find it more attractive if you have the confidence to speak in your native tongue, rather than forcing yourself to speak in a fucking alien language. "Hi miss, pwedeng makipagkilala?" is better than "Hi miss, can I meet you?" which will be an instant entry on your list of most embarrassing moment. 

Well if you're comfortable in speaking let's say in English and the girl you want to approach is Marian Rivera-like then don't be a douche and stop speaking in fucking English. Well my main point is, if you are one confident enough lad, you can reel in a chick in whatever language you're using. Unless of course she's like Norwegian or Zimbabwean or she's a narwhal.

  


2. Don't wear a floral shirt (random)

If you want to be the laughing stock of the whole room, well be my freaking guest. If you want the people to be screaming "Mabuhay ang Maynila" then feel free to walk in a bar in that awesome awesome awesoooome shirt. Of course there's an exception like Luau or Hawaiian themed parties, but if you think that you're gonna go party hard and get laid wearing that shirt HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

But of course there are exceptions! If they are worn by these people

Derek Ramsay

Val Sotto

Babalu

AND THE AWESOME KUYA GERMS! 

3. Do not blackout

Unless you want your friends to curse your future wife and kids, don't be a hard core "party animal", I'm not saying don't get drunk, be the life of the party drunk, the fun drunk, don't be the douchebag who pukes on your buddy's nice clothes and creates this fucking mayhem inside the club drunk. Control your alcohol intake, son. You might even puke on a girl you're trying to hit on, instant rejection coming right up!


4. Do not wear white shoes

This is a brother's advice, if you're planning to wear a pair of brand new white shoes, you gotta think it over man. Unless of course you're filthy rich and you only wear a pair once then you can fucking wear white kicks bro! Your shoes might end up like this

Think of all the people who's gonna step on your new shoes, and besides its fucking dark in there man, people will hardly notice your new babies in a jam packed club.

5. Don't get your designated driver drunk

This one's a no brainer, unless you wanna gamble with death or you wanna have a sleep over on the VIP couches, always have someone be sober enough to drive you guys home. 

Note: If you happen to be a kangaroo, then you're perfectly safe to drive people home.

6. MDAS's just lame nowadays

If you don't have any idea what MDAS stands for, its multiplication, division, addition, and subtraction, and believe it or not, they are fucking dance moves! Don't get me wrong, I'm no dancer, but if nobody's laughing at what you're doing, might as well cut it off and stick with the fist pump like everybody else, but if you know how to fucking levitate, do that!!!! Yes, you will scare the shit out of everyone but you'll be be the center of attention for a good couple of seconds!

LIKE DHALSIM! FYEAH!

7. Don't be a munchie

People nowadays call them "kung fu" or "kung fumulutan". You guys order food to accompany the drinks not to have it as dinner, so before going to the club make sure to fill up your tummy with food, but not that much or you won't be able to drink that much, you don't want to be puking after your 5 bottles of beer don't you? Pig out as much as you want if you're a Snorlax, but you're not one are you?

8. Party with no moolah

Even though its a birthday party, even though your friends are telling you that its on them, bring cash. You'll never know when you might need to buy something important, like 

a pack of cigs

carrots

a donkey

a pirate

, or cab fare because your friend blacked out or something, so bring cash!

9. Don't be a sourpuss!

You and your friends went out to have a blast. If you're asking people to go home at 1 fucking a.m, then might as well go home by yourself. Why agree on a nightout if you're gonna leave after 30 minutes. Unless you wanna ruin your friends' night and you wanna piss them off so bad, then don't be like this. You're gonna be "hassle sa muscle" sure na sure!

10. Screaming out "I'm fucking drunk" is not cool

Especially when everybody's aware that you had one bottle of beer or one shot of vodka, you are not drunk man! Maybe you just watch to much American Pie movies or have a life long dream to be branded as a cool guy for admitting to every single soul in that room that you're wasted. Instead for screaming this very very cool beans statement, if you're really really bummed out already, tell one of your friends and stop drinking immediately, if you think you've sobered up and you can take it booze again, then go on and get fucking wasted young lad!

11. Never leave your i.d

Everything's all set, and this rectangular piece of plastic can ruin your night of booze and boobies. So never leave your i.ds at home, unless you wanna line up for an hour or two and pay like 500 bucks.

So there you go, things you must not do in a club. Unless you want to commit social suicide. Again, I am not saying that I am cool or I'm the epitome of a hardcore party boy, I am just a mere observant in world that comes alive when the clock strikes 12.